Don't Look If You Don't Want to See: Forgiveness is for Me

There’s a reason they call it the hardest lesson. A reason some people will do everything in their power to avoid walking through it.

Forgiveness - this elusive dance between pain and grace It’s layers. It’s contradictions. It’s the gut-deep knowing that you have to walk it… but every step feels like it’s coming straight from the pit of hell.

The Lie Our Ego Loves

"Forgive, and they’ll walk free."

That’s the ego’s whisper. Fierce. Protective. It wants to guard the last shreds of our perceived worth.

The injustice burns, a raw, unhealed wound that demands immediate vindication. And with no way to get it, we cling to our resentment like armor. It simmers in us, thick and bitter, until it becomes part of our bloodstream; a toxic marinade we carry day after day.

The Truth About Loyalty

Here’s what your gut eventually tells you: some friendships only went as deep as your silence.

It was never about loyalty to you. It was always about protecting the men, the business, the small-town reputations.

Some people will be too scared to see what your truth would do to them. Others will tell you, gently, or not so gently, that they don’t think asking for justice is “the right thing.”

You remember the ones who saw every ounce of your pain. Understood it. Felt it. And still chose denial. Because they didn’t want to admit that personal life had spilled into their business.

They witnessed the repeated bullying. They saw the physical assaults toward those who believed you .And still, they treated silence like a superpower. A way to keep control of the story.

They were the master storytellers you once thought were divine help. Until you realized they weren’t protecting you at all; they were protecting themselves.

The Physical Toll

Sometimes it’s not even the act itself that breaks you. It’s the aftermath.

Hearing a hollow “I’m sorry” or “I apologize for how I handled the situation” feels like salt rubbed deep into the wound. The kind of non-apology that protects their carefully crafted image at the cost of your reputation.

It’s like they walked you through hell… and left you there. And no one called them out on it.

And the pressure builds in your chest, year after year, urging you to stay silent so no one has to be held accountable for what they allowed.

When Forgiveness Turns Inward

Meanwhile, the judgments and shame start piling onto your shoulders. They press heavier when you don’t heal on the timeline other people have decided for you.

But then… something shifts.

Your healing starts to empower you with the strength to finally stand up for the version of yourself who endured so much.

You forgive yourself for not knowing the laws that could have protected you.

You forgive yourself for living in denial about what actually happened to your body.

You forgive yourself for believing in people who only ever wanted to protect themselves.

And in that moment, another weight from the past falls off. Because the ones who truly support you will reveal themselves. And the ones who stayed close just to control the narrative? They’ll show themselves to the door.

Don’t look if you don’t want to see. Forgiveness is for me.

After Sexual Trauma

After sexual trauma, feeling powerless can become the norm. No matter how much you want to believe you can forgive once and move forward, triggers have a way of striking without warning.

One smell. One phrase. One flash of memory , and it’s like your body gets hijacked. The pain floods your veins. The anger burns like fire. And before you even realize it, you’re back in the shadows.

This is why healing is cyclical, not linear. It doesn’t follow a schedule. And it doesn’t look anything like what everyone else thinks it should.

What Forgiveness Is Not

It’s not condoning the act.

It’s not absolving the perpetrator.

It’s not forgetting.

It’s not saying justice shouldn’t be served.

It’s not avoiding standing up for ourselves - now or later.

It’s not “just getting over it.”

It’s not silencing ourselves about what we endured.

What Forgiveness Is

It’s for you.

It’s the act of unlocking the prison of your own bitterness.

It’s self-respect.

It’s refusing to let someone else’s transgression dictate your present or your future.

When It Feels Impossible

Sometimes forgiveness feels like a foreign language. The syllables don’t fit in your mouth. You don’t know how to shape them.

It’s not about some grand gesture or one forced declaration. It’s a gradual unclenching. A slow, steady release of the grip we’ve kept on our past.

It Moves Like Grief

Forgiveness often mirrors grief, because grief isn’t just about death.

It’s what happens when trust shatters. When something you believed in crumbles under betrayal.

We begin in denial; refusing to see that we’ve been deceived. Anger follows: at them, at ourselves, even at our parents for not preparing us for a world like this.

We bargain. Replaying moments for signs we missed, clinging to the fear of being left alone in our pain. Then sadness takes hold, as we mourn what we thought was real.

And finally, if we’re ready, acceptance. Accepting the pain. Accepting the friendships lost. Accepting where we let ourselves down to keep the peace for others.

Like grief, forgiveness is about releasing what was never ours to control in the first place.

The Mirror We Avoid

True forgiveness asks us to look in the mirror.

Not to blame ourselves, but to understand. Were there expectations left unspoken? Boundaries never addressed? When we understand the dynamics, resentment can shift into empathy; without excusing what happened.

The Science of Letting Go

Our bodies know what our minds resist:

The clenched fists.

The racing heart.

The gnawing pit in the stomach.

Holding onto the past situations and people poisons us from the inside out. But with time, and more grace than you ever thought you’d need, the grip loosens. The heart slows. The tension melts.

It’s like taking a deep, cleansing breath for the first time. You speak without guilt. Move without shame. Your energy returns. It feels like coming home.

Rewiring the Mind

As Joe Dispenza teaches, forgiveness is more than an emotion It’s rewiring.

Each time you release resentment, you carve a new path in your mind. You stop replaying the past in ways that hurt you, and you start writing a healthier present… and future.

Remembering Without the Sting

Forgiveness is remembering without reliving. It’s acknowledging what happened without letting it define you. It’s stepping into the light instead of hiding in shame. It’s turning hard-earned wisdom into a beacon for those still trapped in the dark.

The Freedom Beyond Forgiveness

The journey to forgiveness is messy. Painful. Thorny.

It asks us to confront the ugliest parts of ourselves and others. But it’s also medicine.

Because in forgiving, we reclaim our power. We reclaim our peace. We reclaim ourselves.